Pop-Up Poignards

It's official. Pop-up ads are everywhere, in everything, all the time. Now they're even seeping onto YouTube. At least I can proactively close them if they dare to invade my computer screen. I'm waiting to be attacked by them in my car as soon as someone figures out how to put them on the radio.

It's bad enough that network television shows have been getting steadily shorter since the Sixties to allow for the inclusion of more commercial time. Back then, the average length of an hour-long program was 48 minutes. A few years ago I read it was down to about 42 minutes -- that's why my favorite reruns seem to be missing something that I swear was in there once upon a time. They've butchered golden oldies to make sure I know where to buy the latest and greatest formula of Tide.

So now, as if it isn't aggravating enough to put up with the mini cliffhanger moments that precede every commercial break in my favorite shows, I have to contend with the maddening distraction of pop-ups that consume the lower third of my screen.

My favorites to loathe? "You're watching an all new episode of LOST" Gee, really? Thanks for being so keenly aware that I could be a complete moron and need to be told what I'm actually watching. I've only been following the show since 2004, so I might have stumbled onto this time slot by accident and really be lost in this great wasteland.

Sure I've complained, but those complaints fell on deaf ears -- or at least ears that were stuffed with money from the advertisers whose marketing research indicated that this form of torture is effective. It makes me wonder who is ruining it for the rest of us.

The only time I'm okay with having my eyes yanked to the bottom of the screen is when I'm watching something with subtitles. It's almost enough to make me swear off of network television and just buy the series when they're released on DVD.

Until then, I'll just have to stock up on throat lozenges to numb the pain of all this advertising that's being relentlessly crammed down my throat.